The United States Considers Dropping Its Largest Conventional Bomb To Speed Up Peace Negotiations With Unknown Individuals

US President Donald Trump addressed an enthusiastic rally in Kalispell, Montana, on Wednesday. He announced that the war with Iran would end very soon and that global oil prices would inevitably plummet.

To ensure this sudden outbreak of peace, CNN reported a day later that the military has drawn up contingency plans that could deploy the mother of all bombs, America's largest conventional bomb, against Iranian energy infrastructure. The strategy appears to rely entirely on explosive enthusiasm.

In a moment of striking bureaucratic clarity, the president openly admitted he was not sure exactly who his administration was actually negotiating with, noting that Iran's army was decimated and its leaders were gone. The diplomatic process has naturally evolved into dropping unprecedented ordnance on a general geographic area and hoping whoever survives holds the proper authority to sign a treaty. The administration firmly believes in its tactical brilliance, while the public watches peace being pursued through the total vaporization of the opposing negotiating partner.