Marco Rubio defends American sovereignty with the determination of a diner who asks to see the restaurant's house rules and then explains that they obviously do not apply to his table. International courts are exemplary when they judge others. Once their jurisdiction drifts towards American interests, they turn overnight into a "rogue court" whose funding must be drained.

His line of the week, that Washington would "end" the court if necessary, at least has the merit of clarity. It is the logic of a referee who blows the final whistle the moment he is shown a yellow card, and then sues the pitch.

Rubio firmly believes in a rules-based world order. He would just like to read the rules first, and be the only one who does.

The rest of the world, meanwhile, gets to decipher the footnotes. And, on the same day, congratulate a jurist from The Hague on her Nobel Peace Prize.

Facts behind the roast

  • On 9 October 2026 Rubio announced sanctions on the ICC as an institution and said either the court would end its threats or the US would end the court. Al Jazeera, Mediaite
  • This is a satirical opinion piece about public statements and political actions.